ego death

12 - how to work with the ego and be more self-aware

I’ve heard and read about this term a lot – Ego Death: the complete loss of subjective self-identity. I personally don’t believe it’s healthy or possible for our ego to fully “die”.. I think we need a certain level of it in order to protect the “self”. It’s what allows us to create safe spaces as well as challenge ourselves to do better. The ego after-all is how we identify and what we identify with in our daily lives. But there’s also the egomaniac in each of us.. I’ve been reflecting on this a lot over the last couple of years. This is especially relative when it comes to egos in the entertainment industry.. Cause boy oh boy, there’s a lot of them.

The ego can be an extremely fragile thing for some. It can be a creative killer and bring out the worst in us. We are all guilty of experiencing it to a certain degree. There are particular industries that bring it out more than others too.. So it’s no wonder that those which involve clout or a public image, have it the worst. 

From my experience, I’ve noticed that because Music Supervision is such a glorified career path, it can sadly feed (some, but not all) egos. When someone works with ‘X’ Director, or engages with certain actors or big brand names –  it’s exciting and can make them feel quite important. Especially if the supe has the potential to offer someone their next big break, or a decent paycheck. It leads every artist under the sun interested in getting to know them, or every sync company offering concert tickets or swanky gifts.. All of this can make the ego feel immensely influential.

As Supervisors, we also have to deal with a lot of clients who have egos and don’t like to hear the word “no”, or “we can’t do that”. So much so, that some of them forget that we’re simply human beings existing in the world, just trying to do the very best we can. 

The ego isn’t always bad however. It can lend itself to be quite useful in a number of situations. It can be a driving factor to follow goals and keep us out of harmful situations. It’s what initially encouraged me to get out and into the world of supervision. I had a dream and worked really hard to make it happen. Without the vision of it to work towards though, I wouldn't have had the confidence or felt compelled enough to turn it into a reality.  

Contrary to that, I think the ego can also force us into situations that leave us feeling stuck. The ego wants to protect itself at all costs, and that includes creating safe spaces for it to roam around and do its thing. It doesn’t like to be challenged, nor does it like change, or uncertainty. So naturally, when we have the opportunity to try something new, it rather stick with the old because it has control over the entire situation. 

When I first had the thought to step away from Music Supervision, I remember reflecting back on what my ego might attempt to communicate with me. I thought it would bring up my deep rooted fear voice, and say things like, “you’re never going to have a more important job, so why leave?”. That or, “you won’t get invited to concerts or receive albums in advance anymore”. And worst of all, “when people ask what you do for a living, you won’t have an impressive answer, doesn’t that bother you?”. But honestly, when I left, I met these thoughts head on and remembered why I was initially making the decision to step away in the first place.. It was to improve my mental health.

I had to drop the notion that I needed to impress anyone or feel important.

Making healthy decisions means challenging the ego. Some of us do it daily, others live so unconsciously, that the ego runs the mind. 

I think it’s important to have regular check-ins with our ego and with what is called our “fear” or “head” voice. It is constructive to grant both of them the microphone, but only for a hot minute. Allow each of them the chance to say the petty things they want to say, but then let intuition take control. And by intuition, I mean the core of who we are – our higher-selves.

I tend to have a checklist of things which helps to ensure that my intuition is in the driver's seat. I ask myself if a specific thought is constructive or harmful one. I check to see if my actions are the best ones for me to make, or if I’m allowing others to influence my decision making. I ask if any of my insecurities are blocking me from advancing forward, or are keeping me stuck. It takes a bit of practice, but it definitely helps with overall self-awareness.

A podcast that has really helped me with some of this, is one called Signal with Mory Fontanez.

Mory speaks to different individuals about working with the ego, fear and everyday thoughts, which can overwhelm the mind. She gives tools on how to better connect with the higher-self. She’s spoken to musicians, actors, mothers, small business owners, grad students and more. It’s extremely compelling stuff, I highly recommend checking it out!

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I hope you are all finding beauty in the every day things, even if it’s in the smallest of ways.

Be kind to yourself, eh!?
xx