negative nelly!

18 - why negativity bias isn’t helping (and what I’m doing about it)

Sometimes the world feels heavier than we know what to do with. I’m learning how to hold that weight a little differently these days..

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It’s been a minute since I’ve written, and listen — I promised I wouldn’t burn myself out with this newsletter, and I plan to keep that promise. I am going to write when inspiration strikes, and today felt like the right time.

Lately, my household has been full of creativity, healing, and self-reflection. It hasn’t all been sunshine and roses — it’s taken a few curfuffled, awkward, fretful moments to get here — but I’m learning to take pride in where I’m at.

That said, it’s impossible to talk about growth without acknowledging the world we’re currently living in. So let’s dive into the theme of this newsletter: negativity.

Since my last entry (spring of 2023!), a lot has happened — politically, socially, environmentally — it’s truthfully been overwhelming at times. Like many of you, I’ve found myself wrestling with anger, grief and a deep sense of helplessness.

I recently took a course called Indigenous Canada through the University of Alberta (highly recommend — you can take it for free!), and it opened my eyes even further to the ongoing impacts of colonialism, systemic injustice, white supremacy and capitalism (land back!). At this point, learning feels crucial — and endless.

Still, it’s easy to get lost in the despair. The more aware I become of these issues, the heavier everything feels. Pair that with the endless doom-scrolling we’re subjected to, it’s no wonder negativity feels like a default setting these days. Our brains just weren’t built to process this level of chaos and stimulation.

It also doesn’t help that most of us are addicted to our phones. We’re constantly soaking in bad news, disasters and curated glimpses of other people’s lives. (Spoiler alert: comparing yourself to strangers on the internet doesn’t help!) I realized setting boundaries around social media was a huge way to protect my sense of peace. I deactivated my Facebook, Twitter and Threads accounts. I haven’t scrolled Instagram since January (f*ck Meta), and I even cancelled my Spotify subscription.

I’m becoming way more intentional about where my money, time, and energy go. I’ve come to realize that these systems aren’t designed to serve us — they exist to distract us and serve billionaires. I’ve learned that gradually opting out, even in small ways, can make a real difference in how I feel day-to-day.

None of this came easily or all at once. It’s taken a lot of slow, steady work to rewire my brain not to expect the worst — especially because when I spiral, most of my negative energy turns inward. (I’m still learning to meet myself with more kindness).

All that being said, staying stuck in negativity — even when it’s justified — only makes it hard to show up for ourselves, let alone for the causes we care about. I’ve been gently learning how to climb out of that spiral, and today I wanted to share a few things that have helped me. Maybe they’ll help you too:

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• Start a gratitude journal - Spend a couple of minutes before bed writing down 3–5 things you’re grateful for. They don’t have to be huge; the smallest things often carry the most weight. I promise you’ll feel the benefits from this practice in no time.

• Take a break from social media - It doesn’t have to be forever — even a day, a week, or a month makes a difference. (The first two weeks are the hardest — after that, it barely crosses your mind.) Think of all the time you’d save from doom-scrolling! Also, I know many of you require the use of it for your business, so set boundaries where you can.

• Do something nice for a stranger - Help a neighbour carry in their groceries, hold the door open for a stranger, buy someone a coffee or offer a meal to an unhoused neighbour. Kindness ripples outward.

• Catch yourself in the moment - When you feel negativity creeping in, gently reframe it.

Example: “Ugh, I’m stuck in traffic again, I’m going to be late!” becomes “I can’t control this traffic. Maybe I can listen to that podcast I’ve been meaning to check out, or call a friend.”

• Move your body - Walk, stretch, dance — whatever gets you moving. The endorphins are real and they help.

• Build community - Volunteer, join a workout class or start a book club — whatever brings people together. I recently befriended a bartender who organizes breath-work classes, and they’ve been incredibly healing.

• Create a calming bedtime routine - Turn off screens at least 30 minutes before bed if you can. Journal, meditate, use calming essential oils or read a light book —whatever helps you wind down. Getting a good restful sleep will do wonders.

• Practice meditation — your way - Meditation doesn’t have to look like sitting still and chanting “omm”. Listening to the birds on a walk or savouring a delicious meal also works. Anything that helps you slow down and be more intentional with the present moment counts.

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At the end of the day, if we want to show up for others and help make a difference, we have to be able to show up for ourselves first. And we can’t do that if we’re stuck in negativity — or if we’re hard on ourselves for feeling it.

So take your time. Be patient. Meet yourself where you’re at. Every small step matters.

Before I go, I’ll leave you with a podcast recommendation that I’ve recently fallen in love with: Plain View.

It covers a lot of what we’ve been talking about in these newsletters — stress, burnout, personal growth — and it shares science-backed practices for cultivating resilience and real change. Highly recommend giving it a listen!

Alright, that’s it from me — as my fellow Canadians would say, keep your stick on the ice, eh?!