a wallflower amongst a sea of social butterflies

08 - glorified jobs and coping with social anxiety

Working in the entertainment industry means having a glorified occupation. Whether that be a music supervisor, producer, director, writer, composer or agent: they’re all sought after professions. Don’t get me wrong, they’re fulfilling in many, many ways, but they are also quite complex. With all of the creativity that goes into them, there are equal amounts if not harsher realities, mixed with intense deadlines and intricate collaborations. It can be hard to meet client needs and still appreciate the overall creative process, without feeling completely jaded or worn-out.

I don’t want to come across as under-appreciative or cynical about the entertainment industry, by any means. I do, however, feel it’s important to talk about the culture of how these industries have been built and set. Because if we can create more dialogue around them, we can work towards creating change and making safer spaces for everyone to comfortably thrive. 

When someone has a glorified job, it means there isn’t really an opportune time or place to discuss the erroneous aspects of the position. Take a distinguished musician or artist for example: They love their work and what they get to do for a living, but it comes at a cost. They lose their solitude and their privacy. Their lives are put on a big screen for the entire world to judge and witness, which honestly, sounds horrifying. With glorified jobs, one is supposed to be grateful and appreciative, not selfish and dissatisfied. Now, I’m not saying working in the entertainment industry is the exact same as being a successful artist, but I do feel there are some commonalities. People forget that these working individuals are human too.. They’re just like the rest of us.

When I was actively music supervising, I really struggled with going out to events, shows or gatherings without it feeling like a complete undertaking. Over the span of ten years, I developed acute social anxiety. I didn’t know if anyone really liked me for me, or if there were some hidden ulterior motives behind our conversations. I hated that folks jumped to asking what it was I was working on before they ever asked how I was doing. I feared that people pretended to like me because there was something I could potentially do for them. My fears were also heightened once I left the industry, because certain people I thought were my friends, pretty much stopped engaging with me all together. This all might sound slightly self-centred, but the underlying thread here is that these power dynamics unfortunately exist. They shouldn’t, but they do – and it is uncomfortable for everyone.

Even people who have respectful agendas to network and make new connections deal with the fear of coming off too strong, or not friendly enough. It’s hard to find a healthy balance of being amicable, but not too pushy. Also, not everyone is a social butterfly. They may really like this industry, but hate schmoozing with strangers. Regardless of the role, it is a social environment. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable socializing, it’s hard to get ahead or make something of themselves. It takes a toll on a person when they feel pressured to look like or act like everyone else around them.

I had the same experience when trying to meet new directors, filmmakers or producers. I didn’t want them thinking I was only engaging with them because they had the power to potentially hire me on a project. I wanted to be respectful, but felt immense pressure to make connections and get on people’s radar. It’s difficult in a competitive industry. Sticking out from others isn’t easy and it’s understandable why people can be so forward at times. Risks need to be taken and putting oneself out there is necessary, but where is the line? When does it become excessive? How can we attempt to make friends with someone when they’re likely not interested in making more? These were the questions that weighed heavily on my mind and ultimately added to my burnout. 

We’re all human simply trying to make something of ourselves. Also, we’re all going through something personal, so if we could find a way to dismantle the power dynamic and treat each other more like equals, we’d be a lot better off.

One of the things that sadly gets in the way of making this possible is the ego. A lot of people in positions of power have superior alter-egos, where the act of others wanting something from them, feeds their pride. I’ve experienced it first hand with certain people in the industry. People speak down to or intimidate others simply because they feel they can. Now, stress can be a huge contributor to this, and it may be unintentional, but no amount of stress should cause a person to treat another differently. Otherwise, that’s straight up bullying. If we could somehow remove the pedestal that people have been put on, we could be more respectful and appreciative towards one another. 

All of this is easier said than done of course. There are always going to be shitty people to navigate, regardless of the industry. But I think there’s something to be said about trying to treat others more as equals. To have empathy and compassion towards everyone, and of course, set boundaries when needed.

I will say, there are a lot of kind individuals working in the music community. It's one of the few industries where the social life is an extension of the work life. Being friends with colleagues outside of the work space is easy and comes naturally. I’d also love to believe that there’s a future where socializing specifically for work doesn’t lead to burnout. Especially after being isolated for two years. We’re all figuring out how to reconnect again, which is a hurdle in itself. 

I don’t have any regrets about how I entered or left the field of music supervision. I learned a lot when I was actively working, and I’m continuing to learn a lot now. I’m happy to be challenging myself, my beliefs and ultimately my overall purpose. I’m okay with being a little shy and introverted some days, while being social and outgoing the next. The thing I’ve come to realize is that I want to be the one to choose when and how to act on those traits. I don’t want outside influences pressuring or guilting me into doing something if I don’t feel comfortable doing it. And by the way, there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s the beauty of making a choice, it’s essentially yours to make.